We have "instantcheckmate.com", truthfinder.com, backgroundcheck.com etc. etc. We have our faithful group of homegirls who could moonlight as private investigators because all you have to do is mention bruh name, and they will identify a minimum of three of his last girlfriends, his occupation, income, frat, previous GPA, credit score, and damn near his social security number in less than two hours. We ourselves have all of those good ole social media sites to investigate the quality of potential partners. But, we do not have any application that will help us evaluate the spiritual quality of potential mates. No. No. We have to learn to run those spiritual background checks ourselves before embarking on serious partnerships.
First, In my single-hood, I was doing everything by myself. That reality, I did not hate. I actually enjoyed the freedom of doing things on my own and being able to say, "I accomplished this and that all by myself." Sadly, I had, in some capacities, become jaded, for the idea of togetherness became foreign to me. While learning to mesh with my new partner, I had to unlearn many of my I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-NT (do you know what that mean man) tendencies because I now have a man who did not want to use me, but wished to work together to make magic happen. Initially, this task was difficult, but now I am learning to loosen my control, and have faith in the partnership. I find we get a lot more done as a unit, than as individuals.
Love is great in the commercial sense--especially around February. In reality love can be difficult--this we don't talk about. We post all the #MCM and #WCW and #BAE pictures, right. Yet, we don't talk about the push, pull, the communication, the growth, the selflessness, the intimacy, the messy, down right dirty components of growing in love. We don't talk about the arduous task of breaking down walls when you are a woman who has lock her heart in a stainless steal safe, next to a glock nine (just in case) , underneath a grenade, surrounded by an alligator inhabited moat, within the land mines hidden around the circumference.
So, if I am crazy, it is only a wall used to protect the heart I used all of my remaining strength to put back together after it was broken. Despite all of the pain I have endured and the strength I have accumulated throughout these experiences, I----we, still have the courage to love again. And we do. This time with an arsenal. However, all battle materials are not necessary.
And for those whom are not in relationships you all either A. can't wait for the day to be over or B. also have exciting plans. All that is cute, yet on my journey I desire a healthy relationship, and when all that lovey-dovey stuff comes later, I'll appreciate it more.