Good day good people. We’re back again with another blog post. Today we are discussing how to live a full and happy life. Everyone wants to achieve a happy and full life. I mean it’s apparent in the moves we attempt to make and the ways we seek to feel happy and good about ourselves. But I’ve been thinking about this concept of living a happy and full life. What does it actually mean? How does one actually achieve a level of happiness and fullness. Well, I’ve done a little research and I’ve done a little digging, so below I share the definition of a happy and full life as well as 5 ways to get there.
Happy- adj|feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
Fulfilling- adj|making someone satisfied or happy because of fully developing their character or abilities.
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The other day I was reflecting on my life. Actually my man posed a question. He asked me what point in my life did I feel the most free. I had to think about it. The question brought me back to a time period in my life when I was single, a new working professional, and still a dream chaser. Ironically, it wasn’t the singleness that made me feel free. I felt free because I was fulfilled in my life. During this season, every hour of my life was dedicated to my passions–literature, writing, and inspiring people.
In essence I was teaching, writing, performing, learning and facilitating workshops all dedicated to literature. I was teaching high school English literature, working towards my masters in English African American Literature, I was performing and being invited to perform original poetry, I was writing my blog, at the time I even advised a poetry club. Life was lit. I was totally fulfilled because my gifts and passions were being utilized and my interests were being fed. The gag is, however, I wasn’t happy.
I wasn’t happy because when I came home, took my shoes and bra off, sat on my couch, I was lonely as the fuck. I yearned for companionship. My plants were cute, don’t get me wrong, but they could not talk to me or love me back. Yes, they filled the desire I had to take care of something and love something, but plants–well, they don’t reciprocate. There was no real joy when I came home from all my hustle and bustle because there was no love at home. No love to me equated to no happiness.
Break it Down, B:
And break it down I shall. See as I trained to become a teacher, our professors, I can’t remember which class, but it was some class, taught us about the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Abraham Maslow, an American Psychologist conceptualized this Hierarchy of needs that theorized a human beings have five basic needs and until the basic needs are met he or she can’t achieve the others.
As educators we had to understand this concept in order to best serve our students. For example, you can’t teach a child to read, if he or she is hungry. Their basic needs aren’t met, so they are not about to listen to you explain decimals. Who cares when they are utterly uncomfortable. They want a burger. Until that basic need is satisfied, you might as well stop talking, Karen. No one cares. Such is true for how we reach fulfillment and happiness.
See, what I was feeling then was a lack of belongingness and love needs. Because I was missing those needs, I wasn’t enjoying achieving my full potential, nor was I able to consistently reach the self-actualization point of the hierarchy. I was too distracted with loneliness and a lack of love to enjoy were I was.
Believe or not the opposite works just the same. Currently, I have my man and a baby boy, and they both love me to pieces. I love them back even more. They most definitely make me feel like I belong. I know my role here. I have my place as wife to be and mother. While my relationship and motherhood makes me happy, I am not completely fulfilled. As a stay at home home, I am not utilizing or feeding those gifts, passions, and interests that two years ago I was building up.
I've learned it is the balance of security, love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization that makes a woman full and happy.
5 Ways to Live a Happy and Full Life
- Lean into your gifts, passions, and interests. Maybe you build a career or business around your gifts, passions, and interests. If you can’t necessarily build a career or business around your gifts, passions, and interests, get into a hobby. Either way the things you were born and gifted to do, the interests you have, and the passions that drive you must be fed in some way. Without doing such, you won’t reach the top tier of the pyramid.
- Make an effort to congregate with the people you love and love you back. I’m going to keep it a buck. This isn’t the time to keep chasing that dude who keep ghosting you, or the guy you like, but don’t like you back. I’ve been there, and I’ve done that. The shit sucks. Stop it. Plus, running after people who don’t genuinely love you won’t satisfy your need to love, be loved, and belong. If you don’t have a guy, sis that’s okay. I know you have friends and family that will whup somebody’s ass for you. Those are your people. Spend more time with them. Love on them while you can.
- Do something to boost your self-love. Self-care is a must. Self-care is super essential. Not because its trending and all the brands are trying to convince you its cool, so you can buy. No eff all that right now. Self-Care gasses your self-love which in turn fuels our self- esteem. Do things that make you feel good about you–daily, weekly, or monthly. It make me the surface: going shopping, getting your hair and nails done. etc. It might be showcasing your talents, or working on a secret project you’re proud of. I don’t know, but self-love and self- care is the stuff.
- Nurture your bank account. I don’t know about you, but knowing I got some coins makes me feel happy and fulfilled. Seriously, “Safety Needs” includes security. In this day and age, finances play a large role in the ways of security. That said, find creative ways to build up your money.
- Make your house a home. My family and I just moved to a whole new state. I’m not sure if I want to stay here passed our lease, so I haven’t done much decorated or unpacking for that matter. The other day, I put up a small work space, and it’s made me feel so much more at home in this new place. A little work toward making myself feel more comfortable here has gone a long way. That said, make your living space your place of solitude by dressing it up. It’s the little things that do the trick. In doing so, you fulfill your need for security and warmth, if you will.
Working your way up to a happy and full life may take time. For instance, I have my love and belonging needs met right now, but the self-actualization part, not so much. When I get this baby off the boob, I’m back like Scooter when he tried to get Khadijah back on “Living Single” I’ll be back in those teaching streets again and ready to flourish soon enough. Wait on it.
Nonetheless, take it day by day, and soon you’ll see it come together. After all, you were created to prosper.(Jeremiah 29:11) Oh, and if you are unsure of your gifts, passions, and purposes, check out some of my free resources. Maybe even consider taking a workshop, or joining the Classic Club. We got you either way.
“We don’t need to have all the answers. But our job is to keep on dreaming and trusting enough to put one foot in front of the other.”Elaine Welteroth, More Than Enough
- You deserve to be happy and fulfilled.
- It’s okay if being a wife and mother doesn’t fulfill you.
- Love on those who love you back.
Thank you for reading. I love you guys!
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