First of all, I’m pretty sure I have the best man in the world. His love is so inspirational. I don’t know how the rest of the world lives without him. Sucks for ya, because you can’t have him. He’s mine, but that’s neither here nor there. What makes our relationship great, however, is the arguments we have. I know that sounds abnormal, but its true. The argumentative discussions we have along with our unwavering friendship creates what I like to call an Oven Mac & Cheese relationship. It got me thinking, maybe we should clarify some misconceptions us young adult millennials tend to have about building strong relationships. Before I was here, I can see how young relationships go awry.
Stove Top Mac– Velveeta or Kraft 15- minute mac and cheese prepared over the stove with a pack of noodles and already made cheese sauce
Oven Mac– Prepared with a variety of cheeses, elbow noodles, milk, and eggs in the oven at about 350 degrees. Amount of time depends on the preparer
Looking back at my relationships before I was blessed with my Shnuggah, those muthafu**kas never worked. And yes, there are a variety of reasons. For instance my taste in men has evolved drastically, the lack of understanding of myself and my needs, and most men ain’t shit rhetoric we all know well. In addition to those reasons, as I reflect on the differences between those and the relationship I am currently in, I realize a solid foundation was not there before I made up my mind to be serious. Often times, I wanted to jump in eager for a title and validation.
In the process, I, well, we were building play houses on a straw base. Ultimately, it takes more ingredients and time to make that southern comfort relationship much like the mac and cheese we typically get at grandma’s or ma’s than it does to make a quick Tuesday night, “I’m just trying to get my cheese fix mac”.
Break it down, B:
Tinder, any form of DM and other social media mediums have their pros and cons. Pro: advertising, connecting to friends and family that are not close, insight into cultural happenings, opportunity to meet new people. Cons: easy accessibility and distortion of reality specifically relationships and, well, living. Instagram makes everything seem so instant, insignificant, and easy. It’s so easy to post a picture or video of what seems to be a happy couple. When that doesn’t work, in the next few months or so its easy to delete and post a new picture. Thank God for the delete button. However, along the way we miss the work required in building strong relationships, begin to believe a better picture is always around the corner. The post, delete, post, delete removes the necessity to build, court, and date.
For example, those long lasting, years+ relationships, that oven mac and cheese that some of us wait patiently until the holiday season to indulge takes a lot of time to make. (Ephesians 4:2) Instant pictures do not show the:
- Deep spiritual connections
- Long conversations
- Resolved arguments and disputes that lead to better understanding
- Friendship, or
That sometimes take years to build between two people. Those eggs, variety of cheeses, and milk are not only hard to come by, but they can be difficult to put together. Yet, when we take our time to layer the pan with patience, our first bite provide a tranquility which whispers the wait and build up were worth it.
Sure it is easier to boil water, add noodles, drain, add cheese, salt & pepper to taste. Sure it is more enticing to have what you want when you want it quickly. However, we will think about that oven mac when the stove top pot is gone after two serving, the thrill of the relationship leaves emptiness and confusion. When we wash the dishes, we think about that oven mac.
You choose. Us southerners love our comfort food. Just know, it will take longer than 15 minutes to cook, but the first bite will be worth it.
Genuine love is rarely an emotional space where needs are instantly gratified. To know genuine love we have to invest time and commitment.bell hooks
- Love is patient.
- The way we pursue love evolves over time
- #relationshipgoals take time
Thanks for reading!
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